Shedding Your Layers
We’ve all heard the onion analogy, right? Getting to know someone is like peeling back their layers. The more interesting/deeper a person, the more layers they’re made up of. While I totally subscribe to the idea and think we are all beings made up of many, many layers- I’ve recently found myself wondering where these layers have come from. Have they grown over the years, did I pick them up in childhood, from a friendship, a relationship, a job? These layers essentially become the building blocks of our identity.
Well instead of thinking of an onion, let’s shift the analogy to layers of clothing. Imagine yourself getting dressed in the morning to go somewhere specific (not necessarily a covid morning prepping to spend the day on your couch- ha). Now pause and take inventory of your outfit, your accessories, your shoes. What inspired you to make those selections? To make sure we’re warm and protected or fashionable, or to appear a certain way, or maybe even sometimes to hide we don specific clothing and accessories.
Similar to the patterning of our lives, we add layers to ourselves, new defining characteristics we’ve picked up along the way for any of the previously mentioned purposes. From a bad relationship, we now define ourselves as cold or tough or strong for future protection. From a series of jobs and career choices, we define ourselves by job title as a measure of success and pride. Fill in your own layers here. When someone asks you to describe yourself, what immediately comes up?
My question is, how many of those layers are truly a part of us or what someone else imprinted upon us? Something we decided to become to please someone else? Or even something that made sense at one time and now has just stuck around? Just like we took inventory of the outfit we chose, what if we took inventory of all our physical layers? What would we decide to keep on versus take off and leave behind?
Just as we would look in the mirror and change our earrings or shoes or jeans, you have the ability to change your physical layers. To shed what’s no longer serving you. Taking it one step further- think of how we empty out our closets whether it be seasonally or just when we pack up to move, we remove things we haven’t worn in years to organize a bit or even make room for new styles. Your identity is the same. Sometimes you need to remove certain defining characteristics to make room for new ones. Sometimes there maybe be a style you once really loved that just doesn’t fit anymore. Sometimes there are items in there you can’t stand anymore and can’t figure out why they’re still taking up space. Some items are harder to part with than others- but never impossible. Just like Marie Kondo suggests- thank something for the time and memories it gave you, send it love, and set it free if it’s no longer sparking joy. Try the same practice with yourself. Thank your experiences, the previous defining characteristics that got you to where you are today, send them love, and let them go. Only then will you have the space and freedom to add on the new ones you want to build.
At ANY moment in time, we have the opportunity to shed and add new layers. It takes the awareness of what we’re holding onto in order to create the space for the future self-defining that we GET to create. Not for anyone else, solely for ourselves and the future we want to build. Yes, sometimes it’s easier said than done. Sometimes we have identities that we’ve held onto for decades and are afraid to let go of. But what would you have the freedom to do if you did? What would it enable you to do? The future is yours to build, give yourself the space and liberty to do so.
What are some of the identities you hold onto or might want to redefine??